2/13/05

• Punching bag, 4 sets of shin/calves

2/10/05

• Did the 3 day workout with paul at the gym.

2/10/05

2-10-05 Thursday

I didn't go to school and I should have. How many times have I wrote that before? lol. I've been sweatin school alot... Like yea I should be studying or something instead of doing anything else. But the truth is I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping, school, and working out. I guess I shouldn't take on new things until I master what I do. but I donno that bring bordum to me.

2-8-05 Tues.

• 3 day workout with paul at gym

Today was a good day I suppose. I don't really have a whole lot to journal down because everything is going pretty good. I owe alot of it to god. I don't really feel bad, but I have noticed that I just don't enjoy playing video games or doing a whole lot of anything after school. Perhaps it's because im usually so tired at this time. I work out with Paul but unless something interesting is oging on, I usually don't go to find something. Like in halo I have alot of fun sometimes, but I kind of have to force myself to play it on the week days because sleep seems more important to me... or other things. Everything is good with Inna. I am starting to feel more and more comfortable with her.

2-6-05

• Arms 3 day workout with paul at gym

2-4-05

• Punching bag
• Calves / shins
• 4 sets of 60sec leg lifts.

Today was pretty good. We got a 2 hour delay which was definately nice. I got alot of sleep and I definately noticed that I was less tired. I was tired when I ate alot of carbs... which I did a little too much today.

2/10/05

• Did the 3 day workout with paul at the gym.

2-9-05 Thursday

• 4 Calves/Shins/60 situps

2-7-05

• 4 sets of shins/calves/abs
• Punching bag

2-6-05

• Arms 3 day workout with paul at gym

2-3-05 Thursday

• Arms at gym.

I haven't journaled much because i've actually been feeling quite good. That and I have been really tired. Seems like everyday im tired. I completely cut out caffiene from my diet and i've been keeping pretty regular hours for the past few days... What more can I do? I suppose that I don't get as much sleep as I could, or maybe should, but its the same amount as any other kid yet they aren't deathly tired like I am, atleast I don't think they are. I could eat less carbs but I don't even eat that many in the first place. Atleast I don't think so. I drink a whole lot of water already... I mean what more can I do? So sleep more... less carbs. ok ill try that too. Thats pretty damn strict for a diet tho. I gotta do my homework but man im tired... and I also have to go to the gym with paul but I can't get a hold of him right now. My guess is he is taking a nap and trying to avoid going to the gym. I could be totally wrong tho.

1/31/05

Today was a very good day i'd say. I started to get really tired after lunch but it was still good. I had planned to stay after with Mr. Mcgrew today but he had some meeting he had to go to. Instead he wants me to come in early in my morning.... holy crap. I didn't care too much but then when I tried to go lifting with paul he's sick again... great. So im pretty upset by that... kind of relieved because now I can take a nap. Then there is lacrosse. We have a lax game tonight. I'm sure what respect people do have for me... alot of it has been lost because I quit so many sports. I've quit every sport i've ever done I think. I think I've only truely completed one or two hockey seasons out of too many to even count. Sports and quitting is a bitter subject for me.. it makes me feel really weak. I don't really want to play for the school though so there isn't even really a point. I mean to me, sports are pretty much just work, not fun. I never found myself to be really good at any sport. Now I wake up after my nap and I ate a crapload. apple, macaroni, crosont, and a bowl of cereal... Id say 550 calories or more. Which I guess is about a normal dinner meal only I didn't do anything this afternoon, I just slept for two hours. Now I have homework I gotta do, there is homework that I don't have to do but I probably should in order to get ready for some tests and whatnot. Also I was kinda planning to punch my bag alittle do calve/shin raises.

Revisting battle plan

1. Take Welbutrin at 7:15am everyday
   2. Go to school all day
   3.Drink atleast 2 bottles of water during school
   4.Don't drink any caffiene
   5.Avoid Sugars/carbs
   6.Lift Weights 3 times a week
   7.Journal as much as possible
   8.take Fluvoximine at 9pm

1I need to work on taking my welbutrin at the same time everymorning... Definately don't do that on the weekends and I guess it screws things up. 2Going to school all day... I think I did that since I made these plans. When I don't wake up on time I don't feel like oging to first period tho thats for sure. 3 I'm not sure ive been drinking 2 bottles of water a day... its harder now and I feel like a prep in my current situation... going to fill up my water bottle and stuff. Maybe I can drink one from being filled and home and refill it at lunchtime 4. I've been really good about avoiding caffeine, don't think i've had any and I think it really does make a big difference. 5 I haven't really been avoiding sugars/carbs as much as I should.. I mean im not totally pigging out but im not doing great. 6 I'm pretty much lifting 3 times a week as planned 7 I'm doing good on my Journaling 8. I need to work on my time when taking my fluvoximine... just like the welbutrin.

so I need to work on 1,5,and 8 majorly... other than that im doing well.

1/30/05 Sunday

• 4 sets up 40 pushups
• 4 sets for 30-40 situps.

Today... was a good day I think. Last night I avoided drinking and to tell you the truth I felt good about it. I think God is opening my eyes to positive things and helping me see negative things as what they are... just as I had asked him to do. I wanted to go to church today but that didn't happen. I jsut didn't talk to weez in time. There is a youth group thing on wendsdays that I may go to though.. we'll see. Today I read a whole lot in LOTF... I got 2 chapters left but I may even read those.. I bookrags them instead. I always think in my head ohhh Inna's probably doing something so interesting or having so good time with some other guy. I don't think thats what happened this weekend and I don't think thats what ever happens when I imagine people. I mean I know thats not what happens.. everyone are just that... people. Played some halo as well, and also did a little workout... just 4 sets of pushups and situps. As I read lord of the flies it makes me want to be in that situation.... I think it would be fun and I love challenge that I think I can overcome. I should straighten out this diet of mine a bit. It's not too bad I jsut eat a whole lot. Last night I ate a butt load of buffalo wings and had a medium sized blizzard... definately not good for the body. I realized today after I did my little workout that I felt energetic.. alive and happy. When I feel these things, I've learned I should work with them. For instance I realized that when I journal I feel alot better, so i've been journaling alot more. Well maybe I should workout more often, just to feel better. I've tried to will myself to workout in the morning.... man that is just hard. Im so tired in the morning I don't feel like working out and that means I have to go to bed even earlier. I just wish that I had to be up for something. Like If I lived in the jungle.... and there was always something that needed to be done, I think I would be wide awake all day. Here where I live, there is nothing that I NEED to do, I have to will myself to do it. It's alot easier to just sleep at home and not worry about that crap. Well for me personally, im not the best at staying home and feeling better, as I know all too well.

1-29-05 Saturday

Yea so last night I got drunk by myself and played halo. It was pretty sad lol. Well I mean I laughed alot and listened to music... jammed out in this mug but it was still sad. Today I guess I got a good amount done. I insulated the cubbie hole underneath the bathroom and also cut up the tree. Then I went out and got some wings with SJ, and a blizzard thing from Dairy queen. I almost went to Liams to get fucked up but I decided not to. Oh yea I also saw Kylie and Rachel over at Kylies house. I feel like im fat... I mean I ate like all this shit this weekend and drank. I guess thats what the weekend is for though... to unwind and not worry about shit. Then I do worry about stuff though... ug. I thought I was gonna go to church with Inna and Weezie tomm but I dont think thats gonna happen because well, I haven't talked to them. I have to read basically the whole book of Lord of the Flies... mad sucks. And Inna.... oh inna. I like her.. alot and I know it because im constantly thinking of her. I think that shes better than me somehow because she has a more active lifestyle and she seems to not like me... having me feel that she is superior. Then again maybe she does like me? I donno its messed up. What I do know is that she wants to be friends, and she wants to help me. I think that maybe she feels like its part of her "purpose" on this earth is to help me. I'm confused right now and im tired. I have school work to do though whichs sucks, but I don't want to do it. I always feel like I have to do something "fun" or something that makes me seem not like a messed up person before I can buckle down and do work. Like I have to do something I don't enjoy almost... like going out to see a movie or something so I can spend some time by myself and be relaxed.